What is secure functioning in relationship?
Prioritize Each Others Well Being
You may have heard of secure attachment but have you heard of secure functioning? According to couples therapist Dr. Stan Tatkin, secure functioning refers to a relationship dynamic in which both partners prioritize the well-being and security of the relationship itself.
Have Each Others Back
Unlike a secure attachment style, secure functioning is not restricted by personality, early attachment organization, or individual deficits, such as past trauma. Instead it is rooted in the principals of shared power, cooperation, mutual respect, and having each others back. Dr. Tatkin's approach focuses on helping couples develop and strengthen these secure functioning principles to create a fulfilling and lasting partnership.
Pro Relationship Approach
Tatkin’s PACT model is a pro relationship approach that moves couple’s to be responsible for each other's safety, trust, and emotional security. It teaches partners to put their relationship first, to work on problems not on each other. An initial part of establishing secure functioning in therapy is to help couples explore their shared purpose and vision for their relationship. Many conflicts that arise for couples often are due to a lack of discussion or agreement around shared purpose and vision for their futures together. Experiencing the stress of these moments in therapy helps couples become more transparent with each other as well as become an expert on their partner(s).
Relationship is a two person system
With time couples come to see their relationship as a two-person system built on these principles rather than as two individuals sharing space yet operating independently. PACT therapy seeks to help couples discover that they are “in each others care” and are the stewards of their relationship.
Discover more about PACT here: https://www.thepactinstitute.com/for-couples
Understanding attachment in couples: https://www.kylebenson.net/attachment-stan-tatkin/
Stan Tatkin TEDx: Relationships are hard, why? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xKXLPuju8U
